


Equilibrium

by Chromaticism



Series: Shakarian Mechanics [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 19:10:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5345375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chromaticism/pseuds/Chromaticism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mordin has just died. Hurting and feeling incompetent, Shepard attempts to drink herself into an unfeeling stupor. Garrus is there to put things right again - or at least help her to forget for a time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Equilibrium

**Author's Note:**

  * For [squiggly_squid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/squiggly_squid/gifts).



> It seems I'm a dirty Shakarian writer now. Shame on me.
> 
> Dedicated to squiggly_squid for transitioning me from simply tolerating this pairing to enjoying it.

They’d reunited on Menae with little fanfare. Just shared feelings, a head nod, and business as usual. There’d been no talk of further exploration of their time before the Omega-4 Relay together. There’d certainly been no mention of the minute squeeze and hopeful look she knew she’d involuntarily given him when they’d shaken hands.

Shepard had repeatedly convinced herself in long silences on the field, in the shower, and in the skeleton shift, that it was for the best.

After all, when the galaxy was ending, surely romance wasn’t important?

They were fine as they were. At least, those were the words she used to convince herself when she caught Garrus’ sidelong glances at her. They steeled her heart; what little, scant remains she had of it after Mindoir.

Then Mordin died. They hadn’t been close. Well, not as close as she and Garrus had been, or her and Kaidan..

She missed him so much.

It was another failure. Another loss to her long tally.

So here she was, locked into her quarters, at her desk, with little more than several bottles of ryncol and her own burning guilt. The sharp, petrol tang of the alcohol was suddenly bittersweet, several shots into her pity session, when she remembered that, with her Cerberus implants, she’d only be drunk for about fifteen minutes max.

She hurled the bottle she’d been pouring from at the wall.

“Fuck!”

The room resounded with the sound of shattering glass and the nuclear green alcohol slowly trailed across the corner of the room. 

“Shepard,” a flanging voice called from the doorway.

Garrus. Of course. There he stood, clad in the lighter set of armour he preferred to wear around the ship. Tall, scarred, and strangely handsome. It was nothing more than a nail to the coffin for him to see her, for the one person she cared for the most, to see her falling apart at the seams.

She cradled her head in her hands on the desk, shamed by her sudden weakness. This wasn’t the first time she’d lost someone, even if they had chosen to sacrifice themselves for a greater good, but it still hurt just as much as the first.

Garrus came to stand beside her, taking the remaining bottles and placing them back in the cabinet she’d taken them from.

He sank down in the seat beside her with little noise. She could feel the heavy weight of his stare on her.

They sat in silence for a long time.

“Mordin didn’t sacrifice his life for you to brood and rage, Shepard,” Garrus eventually said.

Shepard breathed out through her nose, clenching her eyes shut and gritting her teeth. Of course he hadn’t. It still didn’t make the reality any easier.

“I know, Garrus,” she said. “It’s just… how many people are we going to lose?” Thane… Mordin… Kasumi… Legion. That didn’t even include the numerous faceless people whose lives had been lost. The statistics, her mind coldly said.

“We’ll lose more people, Shepard,” he said, a hint of weariness having entered his voice at the thought.

Shepard sighed, wallowing in the silence that fell after he spoke.

“If it makes you feel any better, know that everyone on the crew has faith in you,” he said, slowly rising to leave. “Especially myself.”

She didn’t know what came over herself. One moment her face was flattened against the desk, the next her lips were pressed against Garrus’ mouth. Stranger yet, he was returning it.

It was incredibly desperate, their kiss. Garrus’ hands were all over her body. It was only when the nightshirt she’d been wearing was halfway on the floor did she realize he was undressing her. She searched for the clasps to his armour in turn, slowly revealing the muscled body she’d met months ago, the body she’d missed more than she’d ever known.

They ended up on the bed, herself underneath Garrus as he settled himself between her legs. The wet, heavy weight of his cock against her stomach impossible to ignore. She’d never been so wet. 

He whispered in her ear, “Are you sure?” 

She responded by kissing him again. 

He lined himself up with her soaked folds and gently pushed at her entrance. It had been a long time, so when he began to push into her, it hurt, it hurt quite a lot. He was so thick, and it had been so long since she’d had a partner in her bed. Their combined slick provided essential in allowing him to slowly sink inside her, which he did with low purrs and sweet nothings in her ear, telling her how much he’d missed her and how he’d been too indecisive as to whether it was the right time for them to even pursue this.

“Does it matter? I’ve wanted you for a really long time, Garrus,” she said, biting her lip in slight discomfort as he finally sunk to the hilt.

It seemed he felt the same, as he gave her a significant look before burying his face in her neck with an audible keen. Her hand found the sensitive underside of his fringe, slowly re-exploring it as he licked along her throat in long laps.

There was so much more she wanted to say, but there was a part of her that feared it would scare him away. It was hard to believe this was really happening. It was hard to believe that the one person she’d wanted for so long, the one person who’d occupied her thoughts every night on Earth, really wanted her.

He waited there for a long while, his hips trembling with the effort to keep still, as she slowly adjusted to his wide stretch. 

“You can move,” she murmured when the pain had gone from sharp to a dull burn.

He pulled out without a sound until only the thin tip of him remained, quickly cupping her face into his hands, staring, before slamming back into her until the thick base of his cock was back inside of her.

She tasted copper, having had to bite her lip to contain the scream that had built in her throat. He took her mouth with his, his tongue snaking everywhere, from her gums to the back of her throat. All she knew was him in the ensuing moments, her body and everything that constituted her was completely enveloped by him.

What he proceeded to do next couldn’t be considering moving, it was more jackhammering, and she was simply pulled along for the ride. It was like he was.. 

It was like he was trying to make up for lost time.

She arched her back and moved back into his thrusts, suddenly hungrier for him than she could fathom. He laid his entire body weight on her, crushing her further into the mattress, before starting to speed up.

Garrus had been the definition of careful when they’d spent their night together after the Omega-4 Relay. He’d been hesitant to touch her, hesitant to even try kissing her. 

But this… this..

This was unbelievable.

Somehow, he found the energy to go faster, to a tempo she could not follow. His powerful bucks repeatedly plunged his thick length deep inside of her. He filled her so perfectly, stimulating her g-spot with every rough snap of his hips against hers. Blue eyes stared relentlessly at her once he finally broke their kiss, one covered by its ever-present visor, and they were the only thing anchoring her to this moment, the burning glare of his eyes seeming to imprint her into his memory. Despite the gravity of the situation, she couldn’t help but give a weak smile that was quickly returned. 

“Tell me you need me,” he groaned against her lips, slamming hard into her. She was going to bruise tomorrow, perhaps have problems walking, but she didn’t give a damn. Garrus pushed entirely flush in a corkscrew motion, sheathing himself completely inside her and provoking a breathy sigh from her at the rub of his pelvic plates against her clit. As a means to demand a response when she couldn’t muster the breath to speak, he roughly ground his hips into hers in a sinuous motion. 

“Tell me you need me like I need you,” he said. He proceeded to give her a toe-curling kiss, a seeming means to bring the unsaid affection and deep trust between them to the fore. Her breath was stolen from her by the slow motion of his tongue against hers. He placed his forehead against hers once the kiss broken, speaking with undisguised want in his voice.

“Jane…”

“I need you,” she answered, without hesitation. If there was anyone that she needed, it was Garrus. There was no one she trusted more.

No one she would rather stand beside.

“Good,” he murmured, restarting his rhythm with slowly accelerating hard grinds against her burning sex. “Because I don’t think there’s anyone better suited for killing a bunch of god machines than the two of us.”

She came before him, squeezing him to the point where he must have feared he’d be castrated. It must have been too much for him, because he came with a roar a couple of moments later, continuing to thrust quickly inside her as his hot seed began to spill inside, quickly leaking and frothing between their joining and onto the mattress between his thrusts. 

He pulled out in a hurry and sat up. Knowing all about his stamina, she crawled after him with a smile, and took her place in his lap. She groaned as she slid down his thick length, enjoying the heat of his hand stroking her back, securing her to his body. 

She set the pace this time. Slow and without the urgency that they’d previously just had.

Garrus’ hand found her clit, toying with it between his talons. She squirmed, both due to his attentions and the way he just couldn’t stop staring at her.

“No Shepard without Vakarian, right?”

She managed to utter the words they’d said jokingly so long ago, but never ringing truer until this moment. The desperately fast rhythm his hips had begun to adopt came to a stuttered stop and he laughed, stress melting off of his frame.

He pressed his forehead down to hers, smiling.

“No. Never,” Garrus said, his cool blue eyes boring into her own.

“There’s no place I’d rather be than with you, Shepard.”


End file.
